Finn From Ork
by BritNP
Summary: Finn's an alien from another planet, and Kurt is the first human he stumbles across on his arrival to Earth. How will Kurt react to Finn's claims that he's an alien?
1. Chapter 1

Finn stood before the white desk, hands linked behind his back as he wondered yet again why he was being summoned. Of course, there was any number of reasons he could settle on, really. He bit his lip as he stood there waiting for Orson to arrive. He wondered what type of punishment he might receive this time. Then again, he didn't even know what he'd done wrong in the first place, so he couldn't really think up an appropriate punishment for an unknown crime. He chuckled to himself as he thought about how he'd painted "startush" on Orson's egg. That had been classic.

"Finn."

"Good morning, Orson." Finn answered, straightening up. Might as well be on his best behavior now.

"What, no fatso? No rocketship-size? I know that you call me these things behind my back, Finn."

"Laser-breath, too." Finn answered, letting out a laugh. Oops. Probably the wrong answer, judging by Orson's frown. That frown was becoming a permanent fixture where Finn was concerned. "Sorry, your immenseness."

"See? This is what I'm talking about. Your constant displays of humor are not normal behavior here on Ork."

"You're right. We are a rather dull lot." Finn remarked, eliciting an eye roll from Orson.

"What I mean to say is that you do not fit in here, Finn. We on Ork do not have emotions. Your attempt at humor goes against this, Finn."

"Uh oh." Finn muttered, frowning.

"On the other side of the galaxy, there is a planet in which we have little use for. Going by our reports, the people who live on this planet are... oh, how do I put this?"

"Idiots? Numbskulls? Dimwits?" Finn offered.

"Yes, yes. That's why I think you'll fit in there."

"You're too kind, sir. What planet might this be?" Finn asked, taking the stab. It would be downright boring if Orson never tried to get him back for all of the fat jokes.

"Earth."

"Oh, I went to Earth once for a class field trip. That didn't go over so well." Finn recollected. They hadn't really stayed long enough for him to decide whether or not he liked it, but it looked like he'd be getting another chance at that.

"This is not a vacation, Finn. We want to learn about this primitive planet, and you were the best candidate, as you might fit in well with the inhabitants."

"Right, sir."

"You'll report back to me mentally, Finn."

"You can count on me, sir. Na nu, na nu." Finn said, tugging on his ears.

"Na nu, na nu." Orson answered, rather wearily as he left Finn. Finn let out a sigh of relief. Earth was better than Chull. Anything was better than Chull. He shivered as he thought back to his time on that planet. He loved food, but he did _not _enjoy being it.

* * *

Kurt was rather irritated. He'd made it clear that he really didn't want anything intimate right off the bat, and here he was, having to shove the guy off of him _yet again_. This was the third time in the last ten minutes. Fuck, he wanted a _relationship_, not just a quick fuck and a goodbye. So, this guy was definitely not what he was looking for.

"I said _no_." Kurt snapped. The guy pulled back, studying him for a moment before sighing in frustration. "I think it's time you took me home."

"What? It's not even eight!"

"So? If I have to spend one more second than I have to with you, someone's going to get hurt, and it's _not_ going to be me."

"Well, if that's the way you feel, maybe you should just _walk_ home."

"_Gladly_." Kurt answered, shoving open the passenger door and climbing out. He spun around, glaring at his date as he slammed the car door. Tires squealing, his date drove off, leaving Kurt all alone here in... where the hell was he? Well shit. This had quickly gone from worst date ever to worst night ever. He tugged his cell phone out, grumbling to himself as he shot off a text to Rachel about how he wasn't going to be home until late, and he made sure to add that it was _not_ because of that asshole she introduced him to. Note to self, don't go out with anyone Rachel suggests because it will _never_ go well.

"Na nu, na nu." Kurt spun around, nearly jumping out of his skin, as soon as he heard the voice. Seriously, what the hell? He was out in the middle of nowhere. There shouldn't really have been anyone else around.

"I didn't realize anyone else was here." Kurt said cautiously, taking in the tall man standing before him. He wasn't kidding when he said tall. This man had to at least be over six foot. Kurt blinked for a moment, not really understanding, but... this man had his clothes on backwards.

"This is where I was dropped off." The other man answered, and Kurt usually would think it odd, but he himself was stranded out here, being "dropped off" by his date.

"Um," Kurt was really at a loss for words here. While he was relieved that he wasn't really alone out here, he also wasn't too sure about this guy. He came out of nowhere. And he was_ wearing his clothes backwards_. If that didn't scream crazy, Kurt wasn't sure what did. And what was with the glove on one-hand? He liked fashion as much as the next person, but he didn't think people usually liked to rock the one-handed glove. He sighed. Some company was better than none, even if it was a crazy person, he decided. "I.. would you like to walk with me? I mean, I really have no idea where we are, but I think if we head in that direction, we'll go into the city."

"That direction?" The man asked, pointing, as if he needed confirmation. Kurt nodded, and the man shrugged. "Well, you are the resident. I'd expect you to know where you need to be."

"O...kay," Kurt answered, shaking his head as he started walking. He didn't understand the man at all, but whatever. They'd eventually be in the city and then he'd be off to his apartment, and the man would go... wherever he goes. "So you were dropped off here?"

"Yes. My egg is just over that way, but I don't really need it anymore. I've got everything I need right here," The man said, patting a suitcase. Kurt hadn't even noticed that before now. Okay, so maybe the man didn't have – wait.

"Egg?" Kurt asked, not understanding.

"Yes, my egg. It's what I came here in."

"Right." Oh god, this guy was batshit insane. Well, at least it would make for an interesting conversation.

"Why are you out here?" The man asked, and Kurt raised an eyebrow. Fair question, he supposed.

"I was on a date, which just went horribly. My friend, Rachel had introduced us and she said he was a good guy, but I guess he just wanted to get laid. I don't do one-night stands." Kurt answered. Maybe a little too much information, but he was still seething over it.

"Interesting. Does your race not pair off with couples of the opposite sex? How does the population grow?" The man asked. Kurt blinked. What?

"Not... not... all. Where did you say you were from?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, I'm Finn from Ork. Na nu, na nu." The man said, introducing himself.

"Ork? Is that in China or Russia or something? I've never heard of it." Kurt answered, studying the man. Okay, so he could stop calling him "the crazy guy" in his head now. He had a name, apparently. A strange name, but a name, no less.

"China? Russia? No, Ork is a planet in this galaxy. It's just on the other side. You follow the Big Dipper until you get to a dead end, then you hang an up. Right next to Clumn. Dreadful place, Clumn. Their ears are on their feet, so you have to bend over whenever you're talking to them. Such a pain in the neck."

_Oh_. Oh god. He honestly thought that this night couldn't get any worse. Apparently, he'd been wrong because now he was walking into the city with a man who apparently thought that he was an alien from another planet. Who arrived in an _egg_. He sighed. Why did he have to have such bad luck? Why did he apparently attract all the crazies?

"So, you're from another planet, then?" Kurt asked. Might as well find out as much as he could about Finn's "planet". He wondered if that was really the guy's name. Well, it was the only name he had for him at the moment, so.

"Yes. I was sent here to observe and learn about your race," Finn answered and Kurt nodded. He figured it was something like that. "Do you mind if I take a picture? They'll want to see that your race looks similar to ours."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Why not? It wasn't like it could hurt. Though, he hadn't thought Finn had a camera. Not one he could see. Oh, but the suitcase. Why would you carry a camera around in a suitcase? But, Finn didn't open up his suitcase as they came to a stop. He simply held up his gloved hand and then there was a flash, and... what?

"What... how?" Kurt asked, puzzled.

"New systematic glove," Finn answered. Kurt just stared at him as though he'd grown another head, and quite truthfully, Kurt kind of expected it right about now. No. No, he refused to believe that the man standing here in front of him was from another planet. No, he was a human being, just like Kurt. An attractive human, but a crazy one.

"I-I see," Kurt stammered, trying to gather his thoughts. No big deal. The man just took a picture of him without a camera. He used a glove. No big deal. It's okay.

"Do you know where we might get some water?" Finn asked, and Kurt only nodded. He could hear cars, as he could back where he'd been, and his guess was that they actually were still in the city, but his date had taken him to some little secluded park or something. They'd look for a drug store somewhere and grab some water. Or, well, maybe they'd make for a diner. His date was _supposed_ to take him out to dinner, but getting laid had been more important, apparently.

His phone chimed, and he saw that it startled Finn. He tugged his phone out, holding it up to show that it was just his phone, and then answered Rachel's text. He hadn't really expected the question as Finn asked, "What is that?"

"Seriously?" Kurt asked, his head snapping up to look at Finn. "It's a phone."

"What's a phone?"

"It's... well, it's something we use to communicate with other people. You can call or send a text or get on the internet or check your email..." Kurt trailed off, dumbfounded as there was no hint of recognition in Finn's face. Surely... "You've seen a phone before, right?"

"No. On Ork, we communicate telepathically. Convenient invention for a more primitive race, though." Finn answered, and Kurt just shook his head. This was getting really ridiculous, but seriously, how could the guy have never seen a phone?

"I see. We... uh, can't do that here. I'm not sure I'd want to be able to do that, to be honest." Kurt answered, thinking about Rachel. He would not want her voice in his head. He liked that they could communicate via phone, because if he didn't want to answer or something, he could easily ignore the call or text. He doubted you could do that if it you could communicate telepathically.

"It's quite convenient. Even now, from across the galaxy, I can communicate with others from my planet." Finn informed him. Okay, now that was kind of cool, actually. Wait, no. Finn was not an alien. He was a human who believed he was an alien. Of course, the way Finn's eyes were bugging at the sight of cars wasn't helping. You'd think he'd never seen those before, either.

Kurt hailed a cab, giving directions to a diner near his apartment. He had no idea where Finn lived, and he actually kind of doubted the guy lived anywhere. Although, he didn't look homeless, so maybe he did live somewhere and had run off. Maybe his parents or whatever usually kept him locked up in the house, and he'd managed to get free. After they grabbed something to eat, he'd call someone. Maybe. He wasn't sure yet.

"What are these things called?" Finn asked, gesturing to the cars.

"Cars. They take you where ever you want to go." Kurt answered, waving a hand wearily. It was odd to have to explain things like this to anyone. He wasn't really sure what he should be saying, really.

"All by themselves? That's neat! Why's that guy here?" Finn asked, pointing to the cabdriver.

"No, not by themselves. You have to control them. Like, steer them where you want to go and stop when you need to stop and whatnot. He's here because he's the one driving us." Kurt explained. It actually kind of made him want to laugh. At least it was amusing.

"Oh, well that's very nice of him."

"I'm paying him."

"Oh. You're kind, too."

Kurt chuckled, turning his head to look out the window. This guy was pretty good at this whole alien business, and the misunderstandings were silly. He couldn't help but laugh at the guy, who just smiled at him with that big goofy grin. Dammit, this guy was cute. If he wasn't insane, Kurt would probably be interested. They pulled up to the diner, and Kurt herded Finn inside. That should have been an easy task, but Finn had questions for every damn thing under the sun. He was like a child, really.

Kurt sat down in a booth and gestured for Finn to join him. Instead of sitting in the seat across from him, Finn sat down in the booth next to Kurt. Okay, that was fine. Not weird at all. Kurt shook his head and handed Finn a menu. Finn stared at it for a moment before saying, "What is this?"

"It's a menu." Kurt answered without looking up. "A list of food they can make."

"Oh. I like food." Finn grinned.

"Everyone likes food." Kurt laughed. "Go ahead and pick something. I'll pay."

Kurt supposed he should find it weird that he was enjoying himself with a crazy man. That probably said something about him, really, but right now, he couldn't bring himself to care. Finn's company was nice when he compared it to the asshole he kept having to shove off of him earlier. Finn was kind of like a child, and Kurt found himself liking the idea that someone was asking _him_ to explain things. Things that weren't musicals or fashion. He loved those things, but this was kind of refreshing. He picked up his diet coke, taking a sip and then nearly choking as he watched Finn stick his finger into his glass of water and drain it.

"Wh-what was that?" Kurt choked out.

"I was just drinking my water." Finn seemed genuinely confused.

"With your finger. You just... oh my god."

"On Ork, we drink using our fingers." Finn explained.

"You... I... oh my god." Kurt was freaking out now. Up until this point, he'd been pretty sure that Finn was probably just a mentally unsound person, but... _people did not drink with their fingers_. He wished that he could play it off as some hat trick, but that glass had been full of water just seconds ago and now it sat empty, just after Finn had put his finger in. Oh my god, this guy... no. Yes. No. Oh god, he was an alien, and Kurt felt _insane_ for coming to that conclusion, but what else could he think?

"Yes?" Finn asked, clearly not realizing that Kurt was internally flailing.

"You're an alien."

"Yes."

"A real alien. From outerspace. From another planet."

"Yes."

Kurt shook his head in disbelief, opening his mouth to answer, but closing it quickly when he saw that the waitress was arriving with their food. This was not something he would be telling people. He'd probably end up getting locked away with Finn. Who was an alien. A real alien. It was everything he could do not to just stare at Finn as they ate. He had so many questions now, and he had no idea where to even begin. He was actually also kind of surprised that Finn was eating normal food, but maybe he'd find out more about that later. A thought struck him as he studied the other man, and he assumed that if the story about the egg – which he really wished he could see now – was true, then Finn really didn't have anywhere to stay, did he?

"Do you have anywhere to live, Finn?" Kurt asked. He felt kind of bad because Finn was in the middle of shoveling food into his mouth, so he had to wait for Finn to swallow before he could answer. He wondered if Finn could eat with his finger as well, but wouldn't that require teeth or something? It would be weird to have teeth on a finger.

"Not yet. I will be searching for a place soon." Finn answered.

"Well, if you want..." This was crazy, and Kurt knew it, but he couldn't help himself as he offered, "You can stay with me until you find something. We'll probably have to share a room or something because we only have a two bedroom apartment and Rachel and Quinn have the other one, but we could set up a cot or something. If you want. Or whatever."

"You would do that for me?" Finn asked, an eyebrow raised.

"I.. yes." Kurt answered.

"You earthlings are kinder than I previously believed," Finn mused, and then said, "I would like that very much."

"Good. Okay. Right." Kurt smiled. He wasn't really sure why he was doing this, but he knew one thing for sure: his days were never going to be dull from here on out.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt had been hoping that Rachel and Quinn would be asleep as he quietly entered the apartment with Finn close on his heels. He'd just gotten through explaining the concept of an apartment building to Finn and why he would have to be quiet at night. He knew Finn had tons of questions, but he really hoped he could handle the quiet thing. They had a downstairs neighbor who was constantly pounding on his ceiling – which was also their floor – whenever they were supposedly too loud.

"Hey Kurt – whoa that's not Eric." Rachel said, looking up from her seat on the couch.

"Um, no. No, it's not." Kurt answered, feeling his face heat up as he closed the door behind Finn. He turned back to see Quinn looking at him with a quirked eyebrow. Okay, how was he going to explain this one?

"So who is he?" Quinn asked.

"I'm Finn. Na nu, na nu!" Finn answered cheerily.

"He's a keeper..." Quinn said, her eyebrows shooting up as she looked back down at whatever book she was buried in. Rachel was nodding her head in the direction of the kitchen, and he knew that she wanted to talk, but he was kind of nervous about leaving Finn alone. Not knowing how to work things – or curiosity in general – meant that Finn could quite possibly end up destroying something. He eyed Finn for a moment, deciding to chance it as he followed Rachel into the kitchen. It took a moment before he realized Finn had followed him.

"No, no. I need to talk to Rachel." Kurt told him.

"Okay!" Finn said brightly, not budging.

"Alone."

"Okay!" Finn said again, turning back and heading the way he came. He shook his head, rubbing a hand over his face before turning to look back at Rachel. She shook her head, an eyebrow raised. Well, he wasn't going to tell her the truth, certainly, but he had to come up with something. He'd hoped he'd be able to think it over tonight before explaining it to the girls tomorrow. Why did he have the worst luck ever?

"He's a friend from school. Listen, he probably wouldn't want me to tell you this, but he and his girlfriend got into a _huge_ fight tonight, and he needs somewhere to crash until it blows over. I told him he could stay with us until then. If that's okay with you girls, of course." Kurt explained to Rachel, almost positive she'd jump on that. Introducing someone as a friend from school almost always worked, and she never questioned it. Besides, she trusted his instincts about people – or in Finn's case, aliens.

"Oh, that poor boy. Of course it's okay with me, and I'll talk to Quinn. I'm certain she'll be just as okay with it. And Kurt... you are so sweet for doing this." Rachel said, patting his cheek. Kurt smiled, glad that it really was this easy.

"Just... don't bring it up around him, okay? He's really sensitive." Kurt reminded her.

"Of course. Um, Kurt? Where is he going to sleep?" Rachel asked, giving him a quizzical look. She was going to suggest the couch, he was sure, but he didn't know what kind of sleeping habits Finn had just yet.

"I figured he'd just sleep in my room," Kurt answered, continuing quickly as her mouth opened to shoot that idea down, no doubt. "He's not gay, Rachel, and I'm not going to put the moves on him. The guy has a girlfriend, for god's sake!"

She just nodded, not wanting to further upset him. He followed her back into the living room, where he found Finn examining their television. Rachel and Quinn exchanged a whispered conversation before saying goodnight and heading into their bedroom. Kurt just sighed, looking at Finn and then around the apartment. As odd as the circumstances were, Finn didn't look at all out of place. Or well, the fact that he was wearing his clothes backwards did make him kind of stick out a little, but that could easily be changed.

"Finn," Kurt said quietly, trying to get his attention away from the television. He'd show that to him another time. "Finn."

"Yes?" Finn asked, quickly turning to look at Kurt.

"Come with me." Kurt said, gesturing for Finn to follow as he headed toward his room, and god, this felt kinda weird. He never even brought dates home. The first time he ever brought a guy home, and it just so happens the guy is actually an alien from another planet. He sighed to himself as he opened up his door, letting Finn enter first before following him in and shutting the door behind him.

"Here's the deal, Finn. As long as you're rooming here, we're going to be sharing a room. I'd let you sleep on the couch, but I don't know how you _sleep_, and there's no way I'm telling my roommates that you're an alien. So, I told Rachel – the brunette – that you and your 'girlfriend' had a big fight and you're staying over here until it passes." Kurt explained. He plopped down on the edge of his bed, and fuck, Finn looked even taller from this angle. Jesus, what did they feed people on... Ork, wasn't it?

"But I don't have a... girlfriend?" Finn said, blinking.

"I _know_ you don't. But they don't know that," Kurt told him as he got up and began digging through his drawers. He really doubted he had anything for Finn to wear, but he'd look anyway. Of course, Finn had brought a suitcase, so he imagined Finn might have some clothes of his own. He turned and looked at Finn as he said, "You do know what a girlfriend is?"

"No."

_Well_. Okay, how exactly did he explain that one? Screw it, he was exhausted and just wanted to get to sleep already. He'd explain the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing later. He tugged out a pair of pajamas for himself and looked around. Well, it looked like he wouldn't be changing in his own room anymore.

"Well, it's not all that important right now. Just... remember that you're supposed to have one. We'll discuss the rest tomorrow morning. Luckily, tomorrow is my day off. Stay right here." Kurt said as he slipped out of the room and into the bathroom to change. God, this was going to be just a little bit weird. No, not a little. There was a fucking _alien_ in his bedroom right now. A hot one, at that. Damn it, this was no time to go getting hard. He sighed. Okay, so this might turn out to be a little uncomfortable as well. Weren't aliens supposed to be fucking green or blue and bug-eyed? It was just his luck to end up with an attractive one.

He wasn't quite prepared for the sight he found when he entered his room again. Finn was hanging upside down from the chin-up bar he had installed in the door way of his closet. Of course, not many knew it was there, but he had a feeling that Finn was looking for something like that. Then again, he couldn't quite figure out what Finn was doing. Some weird alien custom?

"May I use this?" Finn asked.

"Looks like you already are," Kurt chuckled, sitting down in front of his mirror to start his skincare routine.

"I'm sorry. Is this unacceptable?"

"No, not at all. You can use it if you want," Kurt answered, watching Finn through his mirror. "Can I ask what you're doing?"

"I am preparing for sleep. Is this not how you sleep?" Finn asked, frowning.

"No," Kurt said, shaking his head. "We sleep laying down in the bed... how do you sleep on... Ork?"

"Ork. On Ork, we sleep hanging upside down. Like this!" Finn grinned, swinging a little.

"I was afraid you might say something like that." Kurt sighed, nodding his head. He was suddenly happy that he'd made Finn sleep in his room and not the living room. He had no idea how to explain that one to the girls. He also knew that it was a matter of time before the girls figured out that he wasn't a friend from school and he had no girlfriend, but he'd figure all of that out when the time came.

"Is this bad? Should I sleep in the bed?" Finn asked, and Kurt lost his grip on the container of cream in his hand. He cursed as it fell to the floor, quickly picking it up and wiping up any that had gotten out onto the floor.

"No, no, it's fine. You just... sleep however you sleep and I'll sleep how I sleep." Kurt answered quickly. Not that he didn't like the idea of sharing a bed with Finn... damn it, that was precisely the point. He _liked_ the idea of it, and there was no way he was going to make a move on an alien. He could control himself when he was awake. He just wasn't all that sure about when he was asleep. He liked to cuddle.

"I will."

"Good night, Finn." Kurt told him as he got up and shut the light out. By the time he settled under the covers, he was pretty sure that Finn wasn't going to answer him. It was only a few moments before Finn's bright reply came in the darkness, and Kurt could do little more than chuckle and shake his head. Sharing his room with an alien was going to be interesting.


End file.
